Fifty shades at it's Darkest
by twilightsparkler
Summary: What if Jose's art show wasn't as soon after the showdown that happened with Christian and Anastasia at the end of Fifty Shades of Grey.. What will happen in that extra time Christian and Ana are not together? Maybe some competition with another man over Ana is just what Christian needed.
1. Chapter 1

I do not own fifty shades of grey .. I do this cause I am obsessed with the story and always need more =]

A/N - Okay this starts basically as if its the new beginning of Fifty Shades Darker..Some things I have taken from that book to put in place to make the story make sense ! Also please let me know if you like it and want more ! .. Also my comma key is broken so I am sorry I will probably insert dots instead ! Also I am definitely not a good writer I do this because it is something i enjoy and hope you do too !

It has been three weeks now since I left Christian.. it has been three unbearable weeks of crying. depression and regret. All I keep picturing is his face before I left and it sends me back into tears every time. Why did I leave? Was it really that bad? "Yes!" my subconscious screams at me. She's right. Every week I get stronger though on the outside at least but on the inside I am breaking more and more by the day. A few days after.. I had started work and that was a good distraction except the time in the last three weeks Christian had sent me flowers wishing me luck on my first day of my new job. That day was rough. but I got by ... barely .. I had to.

Ethan Kavanaugh .. Kate's brother is coming back tomorrow from his trip ... Kate is extending the trip to be with Elliot.. ugh I roll my eyes just thinking about I am happy for her. I just wish my friend Kate was back but Ethan will do .. he'll be staying at our apartment till he finds his own. It will be nice not to be alone and maybe not have every other free second I am not at work thinking of Christian Grey and how I long for him and just to be in his arms. I haven't been out much since then only for work and oh I went shopping once and never hated it as much as I did at that moment.

I try to sleep at night but it is so hard as the tears escape me.. this is when it gets me the most.. and if I do happen to fall asleep I am usually awoken from a dream that has to do with those piercing gray eyes and that look that look he gave me as I left.

My alarm finally goes off after laying down in my bed for the past 3 hours just gazing around blankly trying to get that picture of his eyes out of my thoughts. I jump in the shower and think maybe today will be a better day.. it is a beautiful day outside for a change. . something different... and it is a Friday today which has to count for something right? I decide to get dressed in one of my new outfits I had bought with my first paycheck. It is a powder blue silk-like blouse with a high waisted black skirt and some black heels to match. I apply some mascara and throw my hair up in a ponytail and head off to work. When i arrive to work I greet Claire with the normal boring chit chat and then go in to see Jack.

"Good Morning Jack" I say as brightly as I can.

"Good Morning Ana... be prepared today you have plenty of work cut out for you .. would you please grab me some coffee and start as soon as possible I left everything on your desk."

I go out grab him his coffee and come back to give it to him and work. Jack brushes against my fingers when I reach to pass him his coffee. "Oh. Thank you so much Anastasia" he says with a very big smile that gives me the creeps and continues with "And by the way you look absolutely stunning this morning Anastasia" I reply with a hesitated thank you normally this would be a very nice gesture from someone but it just feels odd coming from him so I make my way out of his office as fast as I could without tripping. now that gave me goosebumps and not in a good way at all.. Not at all the reaction I would have if it were ..Christian... Here I go again comparing everything that surrounds my life to Christian.. I have to stop! Get a grip Steele .. I say to myself for some encouragement.

I make my way out of Jacks' office and get to my desk and get started on reading the material that was put onto my desk. While I was consuming myself in one of the books I hear my cellphone ringer go off in the drawer of my desk. I notice it is Ethan and pick up quickly so Jack doesn't hear it. He is not a big fan of cellphones when we are so busy.

"Hey Ethan." I say as quietly as I can.

"Hey Ana!" He says happier and louder than I could bare these days.

"How was your flight? Hope it wasn't too bad?" I ask

"It was alright.. so hey since I will be back before you get out of work I figured I would just come to your job and pick up the keys if that is alright with you?"

"Of course... i'll text you the address and when I get out of work I figured we could get a bite to eat or something for dinner?"

"Sounds like a plan Steele.. see you soon around 2" he says and than hangs up.

At around two Claire calls me "Ana there is some beautiful .. leonardo dicaprio look alike man here who is asking for you"

I laugh at little "Okay Claire I'll be right there"

I come out and see Ethan standing there with an amazing dark surfer tan and his green eyes glowing. He comes over and gives me a big bear hug "Hey Steele.. wow you look hot" he says as he inspects me. I blush and give my shy smile and give him a little push showing him my mortifying discomfort. "Thank you Ethan" I hand him the keys and tell him i'll be home by five and that we could have dinner than. He nods and goes on his way.

Finally five o'clock rolls around so I go to tell Jack I am leaving.. he just waved and I wondered why it can't always be like that.

I get back around 530 and see Ethan on the couch watching some re-runs of the show Friends. We decide to order some chinese food since Ethan felt a little tired from all the traveling he did today. After we eat dinner we decide to just sit and watch a movie and just talk.. he tells me all about his trip and how Kate and Elliot are doing. Then he asks about Christian.. ugh I so did not want to talk about him.. "So where is that guy .. um whats his name.." "Christian" I say not letting him finish his sentence. "Yea him what happened? You realized you were too good for him?" he says laughing. I thought for a moment that it was weird that he said that since Ethan had only met him once for a brief moment so I instead just decided to ignore that comment. "Things just didn't work out" I say and he senses my uneasiness and sadness in my voice and he just drops the subject.. thankfully.. Soon after Ethan decides to retire and go to sleep and I do the same... well hoping I could do the same.

The night was no different from the others .. lots of tossing and turning and piercing gray eyes in my thoughts and just trying to make up scenarios of us in my head. I need to face the facts that the man I love is just never going to give me what I need in return. I need to get into my "Girl Power" mode if I ever want to get over this man who was never even mine to begin with... plus I'm sure he has already found a new sub and I am just sitting here dreaming and crying over a man who is too busy to even think of me. I am just so lonely without him I miss everything about him .. His smile when we went gliding or the way his face lights up when talking about his car and that look he gave me that made my insides clench and felt like a million butterflies exploded in my stomach.. and I especially miss his touch like the way he used his expert fingers to make my body obey to his every command.. I miss that.. I miss him .. finally after a few hours I am able to sleep not for long but any amount will do at this point.


	2. Chapter 2

I wake up the next morning trying out my whole new "Girl Power" thing and try to think positively and try to convince myself that I will get over him. It will be hard but I have to try I can not just sit around like a pathetic asshole anymore. So that is what I will do I will try! I try and occupy my time until Ethan comes back later on since he went to visit some family around the area. In the meantime I try cooking some new foods .clean the apartment . and call to check up on my mother and Ray.. They are both doing well for the most part and seem concerned about me but I fend them off giving my best "Don't worry about me .. I am doing fine!" of course they don't believe me but they drop it sensing my desperation for the conversation to be finished. Finally around 8 pm Ethan gets back .. thankfully considering I was running out of things to cook and clean.

"Hey Ethan.. how was your Aunt Debbies' house?" I ask just as he walked through the door

"Hey.. it was nice .. kind of boring without the rest of the family there but it was good to see my cousins and everything."

I smiled and nodded

"Ana I was thinking recently since you have been so down I figured maybe we should go out tonight or something get you out of the house to maybe get your mind off of things and grab a few drinks.. I have a friend who lives around here who would love to join us and maybe it will make you feel better with a change of scenery and different faces."

My first thought is no I am not one to just go out and party and drink away all my problems.. shit I have only been drunk once in my life in the first place .. the time when christi... I interrupt my own thoughts to snap myself out of it. Then I think no one said I had to get drunk I mean it would be nice to go out of this house so then I think why not

"Sure Ethan that sounds like a good idea.. I'll just go change and grab my bag and we could go."

"Great we will leave in about 15 minutes I'll call my friend and have him meet us there." he adds and I nod and go to my room..

I change into something more appropriate than sweatpants and a t-shirt which I was wearing all day.. and change into a black fitted v neck t-shirt and my best pair of dark blue jeans that make my butt look super perky .. I throw on some black converse and leave my hair down in its messy but not to messy waves that touch just the bottom of my breasts. Before I go I stare at myself in the mirror pinching my cheeks to give them a little color also adding a little mascara and lipgloss before I step out and try to encourage myself to just go out and have a good time.

I grab my bag and cell phone and we make our way out to a bar a few blocks away called BlackBear. We walk in and it is a relatively small place the walls are a dark panel wood and the floors match the walls there is a small bar on your right when you first walk in and there are massive amounts of people just talking over one of Rihanna' songs that I think is called "Where have you been" that is blaring over the sound system at the moment. We make our way upstairs to the second floor where it is not so crowded and there are some booths and a much bigger bar area and dance floor.

When we get upstairs we meet up with Ethan's' friend .. Ethan goes to the bar to get us some drinks and his friend makes his way over and introduces himself my first thought is wow this man is very handsome "Hey my name is Paul .. its nice to meet you" he says holding out his hand for me to shake while yelling over the music with this gorgeous smile on his face showing me all of his pearly whites. He looked super familiar but I just pushed that thought to the side and shake his hand and introduce myself . He is tall probably about 6'1 with short slightly spiked up dark brown almost black hair .. dark blue eyes nearing the color of that heart of the ocean diamond from Titanic. His eyelashes were super dark and long making his eyes stand out more than they did on their own. He had a nice build slightly skinny but i could tell by his arms he was very well toned and probably went to the gym often. He had full lips and his nose was the perfect shape and size. He also had ears that stuck out a little and I don't know why but that made him look so adorable. Something about him looked so familiar though like I had seen him before but I couldn't place where. It was weird he is obviously a very handsome man and I find him very attractive but it is nothing like I felt with Christian. I wonder if I will ever find someone even in comparison to Christian? I have to I mean Christian can not be the only heart stompingly beautiful man who gives me that butterfly feeling .. can he?

Ethan comes back with our drinks and puts me out of my thinking coma. Ethan brought back three vodka and cranberries ... which I don't mind I made sure to eat before I left to come out knowing full well I do not want a repeat of the last time. We all raise our glasses and clink "Cheers!" we all say together and I take a welcome sip of the ice cold drink .. the bitterness of the vodka creeps down my throat and it soon creeps up on me making me feel slightly hazy and I feel myself feeling kind of happy for what seems like forever. The three of us sit here and down a few more cranberry vodkas and talk very animatedly from the weather to new movies coming out to the people on the dance floors making complete fools of themselves. "hey look at that guy over there!" paul says pointing to this really drunk guy on the floor trying to do the worm to some techno beat. We all start to laugh hysterically since I think the liquor has all got to our heads at this point. "You should show them how it's done Paul.." Ethan says with a loud laugh following "Only if Ana comes with me?" Paul interjects with a big smile on his face ... What does he mean if i go with him ? Does he mean he wants to dance with me? Oh god I am totally not a good dancer just thinking of me dancing is embarrassing. Then I think well it can't hurt I could just blame it on the fact that I have had 3 strong drinks (and counting) "hmmm I think I will take you up on that Paul" I blush slightly and he gets up and grabs my hand and drags me to the dance floor.

Paul and I go out on the dance floor and he pulls me close as he starts to move to the music while holding me. He is a good dancer not as good as some people I know but good enough to lead me to follow his moves so I don't look like a complete fool. After a few songs we head back to the table grab one more drink and decide to head back home. Were all kind of drunk but not ossified.

"Hey Ethan . Ana do you mind if I just crash at your place tonight .. I don't feel like walking the extra 7 blocks back to my apartment." Paul asks

"Of course .. your welcome to crash at our place anytime you want!" I told Paul and Ethan agreed


	3. Chapter 3

When we get back to the apartment we all just basically throw ourselves onto the two couches in the living room and just sit there for a moment in complete non awkward silence.

"Wow I can't believe you guys still have this old couch" Paul stated

I looked at him and was wondering what the fuck was he talking about I don't ever remember him at our house. This couch was also not one of the Kavanaughs. Me and Kate had bought it together when we decided to move into an apartment together. So I am highly confused as to what he was talking about.

"What do you mean you can't believe we still have this couch.. did you come over with Ethan back when we were at our old place?" I ask in confusion

"No silly I use to come over and meet up with Kate sometimes on the weekends .. probably before you moved in"

hmm weird because I always lived with Kate when we were in our apartment and I don't think I remember Paul?... oh wait oh my god I do remember ! Kate use to hook up with him our sophomore year. He would come in and out only in the nighttime. which explains why he never saw me because I was always studying in my room .. no wonder he looked so familiar! Wow now that I figured out who he was I feel so guilty for even finding him so attractive and for dancing with him. Although I know Kate has no feelings for him anymore .. it is just part of girl code that you never flirt with any friends ex guys .. whether they are boyfriends or hook ups it doesn't matter.

"Oh yea probably" I responded not wanting to get into anymore detail

"If you boys don't mind I am going to excuse myself and just attempt to lay down and go to sleep. Goodnight. Oh and it was nice meeting you Paul." I say with a quick smile

"You too Ana ! Goodnight." he replied back

I go into the bathroom brush my teeth and give my face a quick wash than stare at myself in the mirror for a moment just trying to take everything in and wishing this dizyish feeling would go away. I am still quite drunk

I get back to my room change and just lay there for a minute just thinking of everything that comes to mind.. mostly about christian My thoughts get interrupted by a knock at my bedroom door. I am too drunk to even get up and open to the door so I call out "Come in" to whoever was knocking.

Its Ethan. He walks in with his hands in his jean pockets and has an apologetic smile on his face.

"Ethan. what's wrong?" I ask him since I am confused about why he looks the way he does. He gives me a half shrug

"Nothing really I just saw you come in here looking like you were upset and I wanted to check if you were okay?" I feel slight dizy and all my thoughts seem to be one jumbled mess of Christian.

I shoot him back a smile "I'm fine no worries."

As he makes his way to my bed he sits on the edge and I shift and sit up so I am no longer lying down starring at my ceiling.

"So what really happened with that guy Christian.. I noticed you don't like to talk about it but I can see it is really bothering you."

I shift my hands to my lap and start twisting my fingers and staring into my lap and just let out a big sigh.

"It just didn't work out he just couldn't give me what I needed and we just want very different things." I say not trying to give anything away considering the fact that I had signed a NDA .

Ethan just repeats my sigh "I am really sorry to hear that Ana." after a beat "Ana could I tell you something?.. and it will stay between you and me?"

"Of course Ethan anything" I say with a little hesitation since I have no idea where this is about to go.

"There is something I have always wanted to tell you but I never got the chance" he sees the panic look I have on my face and says "Don't worry it's not bad but I would rather show you?" he moves up on the bed closer to where I am sitting so he is now about 5 inches from my face with our knees touching.

I don't know how but I feel like I know where this is going to go but at the moment I have no intentions of stopping it since I am not 100% positive where this is going and I wouldn't want to embarrass myself by making an assumption.

He then reaches out and cups my face softly around his hands slowly giving me enough time to pull away if I wanted but I don't. He then moves closer and gives me a quick kiss and pulls back as fast as possible to take in my reaction. "I am sorry Ana I have always wanted to do that you are beautiful and smart and I always wondered what it would be like to kiss you." he says trying not sound embarrassed but his voice betrays him.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N - Thank you everyone for the reviews . Story and author alerts ! I appreciate it so much ! This chapter is pretty short but I am will be getting the next chapter up soon after i post this one! If you guys have any thoughts or anything for the story let me know I would love to incorporate anything you guys would like ! i swear it will get more intense as the chapters go on so just bear with me =] ..

Also my comma button is still broken and I don't own FSOG .. Happy reading hope you all enjoy !

I am totally speechless. I don't know what to say or do he is a great guy and all but I am so in love with Christian. It has only ever been Christian. But why is Christian affecting my judgement on this decision of what to do? He doesn't love me and I am sure he has found a new submissive by now and forgot all about me. As soon as that thought comes to mind I knew what I was going to do. So in a haste I kiss Ethan back. Maybe this will help me get over him .. maybe this is what I need.

Ethan seemed surprised that I have returned his kiss but in hardly any time he was opening up his mouth and welcoming my tongue to play with his. It felt so wrong and I don't have that giddy feeling I had with Christian but this feeling will do. Ethan softly pushed me down onto the bed till he was on top of me kissing my neck and running his fingers all over exploring my body that only one man has explored before. Maybe it was the alcohol but I was actually enjoying being with another wanting hand for a moment. Made me feel like I wasn't alone for the time being and that someone cared for me. Just then Paul bursts open the door "Ethan bro I just wanted to let you ..." then he noticed what he had just burst into with both our breathing sounding like we just ran a 10 mile marathon "Oh damn I am so sorry you guys Oh my god so sorry!" and he ran out of the room as quickly as he burst in.

As soon as Paul closed that door Ethan and I just started hysterically laughing. Paul's face was absolutely hilarious.. I don't think I have ever seen someone look so embarrassed and awkward before ... other than myself of course.

"Oh my God that was so funny!" Ethan says with a finally subsided laugh

"I know ! I don't think I have ever even seen someone look that horrified before!" I say while out of breathe due do how hard I was just laughing

"Yea...Listen I am really sorry about that kiss maybe I was getting a little carried away." Ethan says with his eyes cast down probably way to embarrassed to look at me.

He is right though I think we were definitely getting ahead of ourselves I mean if Paul did not walk in who knows what could have happened we could have done something we both really regretted and never taken back.

"I totally agree but please it takes two to tango .. you did not hold a gun to my head or anything don't even worry about it" I tell Ethan while rubbing his arm in a friendly gesture to let him know that it was not just his fault..

"Thanks Ana .. I think I am just going to go to bed now and go see what Paul needed." he kisses me on the cheek "Goodnight" I call out right before he shuts my door to leave and I think I faintly hear him say it back while he is already outside my bedroom door.

I fall asleep pretty quickly after.. probably due to all the drinks I had.. I am thankful though if I wasn't able to sleep I would have have more than just Christian to think about. I wake up at around 11am the next morning and Ethan isn't here.. I am slightly thankful he isn't because it just might be too awkward of a conversation to have so early in the morning. I don't think anything was resolved last night considering he said he had been wanting to kiss me for a while. Hopefully we could both just forget this ever even happened. Not that it was bad or anything actually he was a good kisser kinda and it was also nice to be wanted by someone else who doesn't want to inflict pain on you. Although you never know... but no I don't think Ethan is like that. I try to call Ethan around 4 just to see what he was up to but no answer.

My cellphone rings around 5pm and its Ethan so I answer right away "Hey Ethan whats up?"

"Nothing much sorry I was just calling you back to let you know I was alive " he says with a laugh "I went out to run some errands and try to get things sorted out so I am all set when I get my own place."

"No problem I was just calling before to make sure everything was okay I didn't know if you left because of last night or anything I just don't want to make you feel uncomfortable or anything." I try to sound nonchalant but I think I come out sounding like a big weirdo.

"Oh no Steele! Don't even worry about that.. I just had to get done some stuff so I don't have to stress anymore and I didn't want to wake you up since I know you haven't been sleeping well lately ."

"Oh ok good and thanks I needed that sleep !.. but hey listen I am making some dinner right now some penne with vodka sauce .. it'll be done in like 20 minutes."

"Sounds great I love your cooking Ana ! I'll be back in about 15 minutes so just in time see you then !" I can hear the excitement in his voice

Ethan gets home about 15 minutes later and everything feels fine no awkwardness nothing .. just the way it was before and it feels great!. We decide to crack open some Moscoto I had around the house after we finish eating our dinner than he claims was "one of the greatest meals ever" I roll my eyes at the thought.. I know I cook good but I am definitely not amazing! We are just watching some random movie I have never heard of. After the movie finishes we part into our own bed's .. well me to mine and him to Kate's room. It felt good to just not feel weird about anything and it was like we were just normal again like nothing even happened! Maybe it is possible to just forget it even happened!

After preparing myself for bed I go to lay down for once there are no tears streaming down my face before I go to bed but the thoughts and picture of his eyes and face never leave me. They haunt me each night before I fall asleep and most of the time follow me to my dreams. This night felt a little different The feeling of regret is gone but the pain is still there. That achy feeling . I wonder if it will ever go away? I would not wish a broken heart upon my worst enemy. With that last thought I drift into a grey eyed dream world.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N - Again thank you guys so much for your reviews and favorite story author and all your ideas I appreciate it so much ! Also the email part of this chapter is kind of weird so I apologize now. Hope you guys enjoy ! =]

Monday morning comes and it is just another day at work. I get to work a few minutes before nine and grab Jack his morning coffee as soon as I arrive so I don't have to go in his office twice and have an awkward creepy talk with him. After I say good morning I then head off into my little office next to Jacks' to begin my work for the day. As i am reading one of the manuscripts I hear my email ping I check it as soon as I can since it could be Jack or something else work related. But no it was not anything to do with work. It was Christian Grey. Christian wrote me an email. Oh my god before I click it I wonder do I really want to know? With a shaky hand and my altered breathing I go and click on his message.

Dear Ms. Steele.

I hope your new job is going well. I remember you telling me that your friend Jose had an art show is on wednesday I was wondering if you needed a ride. I was unsure if you have been able to buy a car yet.. so I would like to offer you a ride? Let me know

Christian Grey

Oh My God was all I could think .. Shit i forgot about Jose's show he told me about it a few months back and I had asked Christian to come with me and of course he remembered. How is he so perfect without actually being perfect! .. ugh but he is right I haven't had my chance to get a car yet since I am been too busy wallowing in my sorrows oh and kissing Ethan my subconscious says with a smile and some pride .. although he will never have to know about that. I roll my eyes just thinking what he would do if he ever found that out.

Do I want to see him? Of course you want to see him my subconscious yells at me. She is always right and I do. I do want to see him. Bad

Dear Mr. Grey

Work is going well thank you I never got to thank you for the flowers you sent a few weeks ago.. so Thank you... and yes I would love a ride thank you very much for the offer.

Anastasia Steele

Within an instant I receive his reply

Miss Steele

Your welcome Miss Steele .. they were very well deserved I'm sure.

Good. I will pick you up at your work around 5pm since the show is around 8 and it is a long drive . See you Wednesday.

Christian Grey

Oh my formal little Christian I think while shaking my head with a smirk on my face.

Dear Mr. Grey

I will see you wednesday . Thank you again.

Anastasia Steele

Wow I am really going to see Christian tomorrow .. I don't know how to feel what if he is just dropping me off he mentioned he would give me a ride but never did he mention if he was coming himself. I should think he was though and I want him to.I need to see him. Either way I will look my absolute best on Wednesday just incase he does happen to come with me.

I get out of work around 530 with this huge grin on my face .. probably the most genuine smile i have smiled in a long while it seems. Without even seeing him he puts a huge smile on my face and gives my stomach butterflies.

I get home and Ethan is there just reading one of his books about Psychology.. he is going into a psychology program soon so he is trying to study and learn as much as possible.

"Hey Ethan how are you?" i ask much brighter than usual

"Hey I'm good just brushing up on some Developmental Psychology today." he answers without hesitation or looking up from his book.

"Sounds fun I was going to make some dinner did you have anything in mind?" I say with a little laugh

"Yea not so much .. kind of depressing and no thank you I just had some pizza on my way back here."

hmm thats strange he is acting kind of cold towards me not mean just very distant and so unlike Ethan. I don't think I did anything wrong or at least I hope i didn't. Ethan has always been a good friend I would hate to ruin that.

"Is everything okay?" I want to know hopefully he doesn't hate me . I was in such a good mood five minutes ago .. and now i just feel so bad thinking that he is acting cold towards me for something that I have done.

"Yea I am just really into this book.. sorry if I made you thought otherwise.. but I think I am just going to go into Kate's room and finish up if you don't mind." he tries to sound all calm cool and collected with a fake smile plastered on his face but I can see it in his eyes that that is just not the way he feels. but I let it go for now considering he has already walked away and I won't go bombarding him with questions when he is clearly trying to read.

After I eat my dinner all by myself I decide to just go and rest on the couch and get curled up with my blanket and read one of my new books that I have picked up.

I hear Ethan's door knob slowly turn and open slightly but I it stops there then shuts it suddenly than the same thing repeats until finally Ethan steps out of the room looking very confused and just stares at me for the longest time. I get this feeling that he definitely was not okay when I asked if he was so I took the initiative to talk first since it did not seem like he was ready to speak up at any time soon.

"Ethan what's wrong.. obviously it is not nothing like you said it was. You look really upset just tell me .. " i say in the softest voice I could possible manage to screech out.

He just looks at me for a few moments before he finally speaks up.

"Your right Ana it's not nothing.. it's definitely something.. it's um yo- you."

"What do you mean?" I ask

"I am so sorry Ana i can't just forget that kiss never happened. I can't and I won't." Again I'm shocked I totally thought that everything was okay in that department between us. I am just standing there probably looking like a fool.

"I am so sorry Ethan." i say while I bite my lip .. it's sort of a nervous habit and a sexual habit ...

"Don't be sorry Ana." And their it was he came at me lips push forward eyes sealed shut and he kissed me ... again .. I don't know why but I completely get lost in him no thinking about anything or anyone else. At that moment it was just me and him. It was all mouth to mouth . Tongue to Tongue and hands moving abruptly everywhere.

He pulled off my shirt and I thankfully had on my new white lace push up bra. He cupped and kissed each breast with care and want. My breathe was starting to hitch and accelerate as did his. He then pulled off his own shirt and with curiosity reached out to touch his bare chest and he did not say anything which was nice for a change to be able to touch all over him without being reprimanded I touched his back. his arms. everywhere. I than decided to grip his growing erection from out of his jeans. I unzipped as fast as I could as saw that he was indeed a big boy. He started groaning "Damn Ana" when I gripped my hand around him. He then proceeded to get off my jeans as quickly as he could .. tearing them off like he was a animal he started to touch me and I started moaning.. this is the feeling I knew well and it felt so good .. regardless who was doing it. He slipped a finger in and smiled when he was I was ready for him he than slipped in two fingers and kissed me even more fiercely. We were just about ready to get to the nitty gritty when it came to me. This did not feel right. It didn't feel wrong but it didn't feel right. Tears started to leak from my eyes and I pushed Ethan off gently. He backed off quickly and gently in return.

"Ana? What's wrong?" he noticed me crying and has now pulled me into a hug.

"I am so sorry Ethan i just can't do this. I am still in love with Christian and I can't do this .. I like you a lot as a friend and when I am with you sometimes more but i can't pretend I don't love Christian he may not be the perfect person to anyone else but he is to me with all of his flaws. I wish sometimes i wish it could be you that I loved" I say with a bigger sob when I said those lost words. "But i just can't do this. I am so sorry" I say with a tearful whisper.

"Ana it's okay really. I wish it was me too but it's not.. and it is obvious your heart lies with Christian and i will do nothing to stop that I do hope things work out for you guys and he better treat you right."

He sounds hurt but very genuine . This is the guy I know such an amazing person and it is better this way we make great friends but he's right my heart lies with Christian and it probably will forever.

"Hey Ana I'll just stay by Paul's for the next few days to give you your time. If you need ANYTHING just call me. I'll be here for you. I may not have you as the woman who stole my heart but i still have you as one of my friends right?"

"Of course always and also you don't have to stay there .. it is no problem."

"I think it is best if I stay there to give us some time to cool off and go back to the way things were. But seriously call me if you need anything. okay?" I nod and he gives me a kiss on the cheek grabs a bag probably filled with some clothes and is on his way.

Wow i can't believe that all just happened. What am I going to do ? Should I even tell Kate. What will Christian do if he finds out. Oh god I think I'll be dead oh and Ethan and Kate and probably their parents for even bringing him into this world. Well he'll never have to know .. ever. I do admit I miss Christian so much just thinking about him makes my heart beat quicker than ever before. i miss his smell .. his laugh .. the way he makes my belly do all sorts of flops or the way he bites my lip. Just then I am interrupted by a knock at the door. I pat down my hair to attempt to fix my "almost fucked" hair and go to answer the door.

"Who is it?" I call out before I answer it

"It's Christian." I hear him say back...

Oh my God its Christian. He's here at my house .. This is so unlike him to just show up here un-annouced .. well I guess not if he could show up to Georgia he could show up to my house a few miles away. I unlock the door and their he is looking as delicious as ever in an all grey well tailored suit his glowing grey eyes and of course his gorgeous floppy copper hair and he's holding a bouquet of rose's in his hand. Oh my beautiful fifty .


End file.
